Saturday Read: Boundaries Are Not Selfish

Jesus regularly withdrew from ministry to rest and pray, even when crowds pressed in with legitimate needs. He said "no" to good opportunities to remain faithful to his primary calling. He left people unhealed, questions unanswered, needs unmet - not because he didn't care, but because he understood his mission and maintained boundaries around it. When disciples wanted to keep people away from him, he welcomed children (Mark 10:14). When people wanted to make him king, he withdrew (John 6:15). He knew when to engage and when to disengage.

Many Christians struggle with boundaries, believing that selflessness means boundarylessness, that loving others requires exhausting ourselves, that saying "no" equals sin. We've confused biblical servanthood with codependent enabling, Christ-like sacrifice with unhealthy martyrdom. We burn out trying to meet every need, say yes to every request, and be everything to everyone - then wonder why we're empty, resentful, and ineffective.

Paul drew clear boundaries. He defended his apostolic authority, confronted Peter publicly, and refused to be manipulated by those who questioned his ministry. He wrote, "If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all" (Romans 12:18). Notice the qualifier: "so far as it depends on you." You're responsible for your behavior, not others' responses. You can't control whether others receive your boundaries peacefully, but you can communicate them clearly and maintain them consistently.

Boundaries aren't walls to keep people out - they're fences to protect what matters. They define where you end and others begin, what's your responsibility and what isn't, what you can give and what you can't. Good boundaries actually improve relationships by preventing resentment, protecting capacity, and ensuring you're serving from fullness rather than depletion.

Jesus's greatest commandment includes "love your neighbor as yourself" (Matthew 22:39). Not instead of yourself, not more than yourself - as yourself. You're commanded to care for yourself with the same compassion you extend to others. When your own soul is depleted, your love for others becomes duty rather than delight, obligation rather than overflow. The oxygen mask principle applies spiritually: secure your own mask before helping others.

Healthy boundaries require you to know yourself - your limits, your needs, your calling, your season. They require courage to communicate clearly and consistency to maintain firmly. They require accepting that some people will be disappointed, some will be angry, some will accuse you of selfishness. That's okay. You're not responsible for managing others' emotional responses to your necessary limits.

Where do you need boundaries that you haven't established? What are you saying "yes" to that should be "no"? Who are you exhausting yourself to please at the cost of your own spiritual health? What good things are preventing your best things? Boundaries aren't selfish - they're stewardship of the one life, one body, one soul God gave you to manage. You can't pour from an empty cup, and refusing to refill isn't humble - it's foolish.