Thursday Read: October 8 - When God Feels Absent
You're eight days into October. For some, the month is going well - rhythms established, goals progressing, intentions holding. For others, October feels like September's continuation - same struggles, same disappointments, same sense that nothing's really changing despite new month optimism. By day eight, the pattern becomes clear: this month will be like last month, which was like the month before.
One common struggle is God's felt absence. You pray but sense no response. You read Scripture but feel no connection. You worship but experience no presence. God seems distant, uninvolved, possibly uncaring. This isn't doubt about God's existence - you believe he's real. It's doubt about his interest in you specifically. He's God of the universe, but is he your God? Does he care about your particular struggles?
This experience is normal, though it doesn't feel normal. Every serious Christian encounters seasons when God feels absent. The mystics called it "the dark night of the soul" - not depression or spiritual attack, but God withdrawing the sense of his presence to teach deeper dependence. Teresa of Ávila described years when prayer felt like talking to a wall. John of the Cross wrote about prolonged periods when spiritual practices brought no consolation.
Even Jesus experienced this. On the cross, he cried out: "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" (Matthew 27:46). He quoted Psalm 22:1, expressing the agony of God-forsakenness. If Jesus - God incarnate - experienced God's absence, you shouldn't be surprised when you do.
What causes this? Sometimes sin creates distance. David wrote: "If I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened" (Psalm 66:18). Unconfessed sin can block the sense of God's presence. But often, God's felt absence has nothing to do with sin. It's part of spiritual growth, testing whether you'll trust God when you can't feel him.
C.S. Lewis, after his wife Joy died of cancer, struggled profoundly with God's silence. He wrote in "A Grief Observed": "Meanwhile, where is God? When you are happy, so happy you have no sense of needing Him, so happy that you are tempted to feel His claims upon you as an interruption, if you remember yourself and turn to Him with gratitude and praise, you will be - or so it feels - welcomed with open arms. But go to Him when your need is desperate, when all other help is vain, and what do you find? A door slammed in your face, and a sound of bolting and double bolting on the inside."
Lewis eventually recognized this as his projection, not God's reality. God hadn't slammed the door - Lewis couldn't perceive an already-open door through grief's distortion. But the feeling was real and painful. God felt absent precisely when Lewis needed him most.
Mother Teresa experienced decades of spiritual darkness. Letters published after her death revealed that from 1948 until her death in 1997 - nearly fifty years - she felt almost no sense of God's presence. She wrote: "Lord, my God, who am I that You should forsake me? The child of your love - and now become as the most hated one... Where is my faith? Even deep down there is nothing but emptiness and darkness."
Yet she continued serving the poorest of the poor with remarkable joy and faithfulness. Observers thought she walked in constant communion with God. She was actually walking in darkness, choosing obedience despite feeling abandoned. Her faithfulness when God felt absent is more impressive than faithfulness when God feels near.
What do you do when God feels absent? First, check for unconfessed sin. If there is any, confess it. But if your conscience is clear, recognize that God's felt absence doesn't equal his actual absence. He promised: "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you" (Hebrews 13:5). His presence doesn't depend on your perception.
Second, maintain spiritual practices even when they feel empty. Pray when prayer seems pointless. Read Scripture when it feels dry. Worship when you don't sense God's presence. Obey when you don't feel rewarded. This builds character that emotional spirituality can't create.
Third, remember that feelings follow faithfulness eventually, not immediately. If you only pray when you feel like it, you'll rarely pray. If you only worship when you sense God's presence, you'll rarely worship. Discipline precedes desire. Keep practicing, and feelings will eventually return - though maybe not on your timeline.
Fourth, talk to God honestly about his felt absence. David did: "How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?" (Psalm 13:1). God welcomes honest prayer more than fake piety. Tell him you don't sense his presence. Tell him it hurts. Tell him you're choosing to trust anyway.
Eight days into October, God might feel absent. That's painful but not unusual. Every Christian walks through darkness. The question isn't whether you'll experience God's felt absence but how you'll respond when you do. Will you quit when practices stop feeling rewarding? Or will you continue, trusting God's promises over your perceptions? Mother Teresa chose the second path for fifty years. You can choose it for October.
